Emotional & Mental Health for Widows

Widow Wisdom: How Did People Support You after the Loss of Your Spouse in a Way That Really Helped?

MWC Community Conversation

We asked our widow sisters to share their wisdom by answering this question; How did people support you after the loss of your spouse in a way that really helped?

Here are some of their answers:

My best friends got me out at least once a month and that seem to take my mind off things. I also had family and friends who I could vent to and they were great at listening.
– Darlene

My girlfriends organized and threw my twin baby girls’ 1st birthday party. It was only a few months prior that my husband was killed in combat in Iraq. I just couldn’t “throw a party” in the depths of grief and depression. But they knew I didn’t want my girls’ special day to go by unnoticed. It was a beautiful (and pink ????????) and a moment where, even though my babies were too young to remember, friends gathered and I felt so cared for and loved.
– Wister on Instagram

Practical things. When those daily chores were done, it freed my mind to make other decisions that only I could make. My friends were relieved that I told the how we can talk about my late husband. I clarified that it made me feel good that people would share photos and memories on social media. Telling them what I want eliminated much awkwardness.
– Margie

My daughter was a month old when my husband died. It was very isolating at times. I had some wonderful friends who would just text and say I’m coming over tonight and bringing dinner. That was wonderful. I had no motivation to reach out or do anything and was exhausted. So having people just show up and insert themselves was wonderful.
– Tiffany

My son stopped his life and moved in with me as I couldn’t even function. He made sure the bills were paid and my husbands business was closed properly. His girlfriend-soon to be wife-cooked and cleaned. I have three friends who are constantly there for me. While it is true everyone else disappears, I consider myself very blessed to have had this support.
– Wister on Instagram

The list is so long. Immediately because I had family coming in from out of state my church started a meal train. We had dinner provided for two weeks. The morning after he died a group of 6 women came and weeded all the flower beds. A couple of months later a group of men came and trimmed the trees away from my roof. My neighbors son mowed our one acre yard for the entire summer and would not let me pay them. Two couples went spring and summer for two years and drive 3 hours to our lake property which was just raw land to rake and burn to keep fire hazard down. When I had to move from my house they did the entire garage sale for me! My husband was a mechanic and worked from home so that was a huge undertaking. They helped me move and then 3 1/2 years Lester helped me move again when I remarried. I could go on with how my friends blessed me. Their love and kindness to this day means so much and something I will never forget!
– Cindy

My family helped in too many ways to count….paying bills for me, setting up appointments and going with me to figure out how to handle things financially, doings things without being asked, bringing me dinner or just telling me they were going to come pick me up and take me out, or just sitting with me so I wasn’t alone.
– Ellen

No one wanted me to be alone… since my husband passed in our home. My best friend spent many nights at my place, my neighbor cooked for me. My church prayed for me and made a list of things that they could do to help me! My in-laws called and checked up on me frequently. Then I found MWC and we had mini spa days, brunch, and even murder mystery at Maggiano’s!
– Wister on Instagram

The best support was from my friend who had lost her son. She brought groceries to my door and rather than say ‘call me if you want to get together’ she called and said ‘I’m going to yoga at 6 o’clock I’ll pick you up. ‘And she did.
– Susan

One of my friends came and I stayed with her for 2 weeks after my husbands celebration of life. I couldn’t go home and I stayed at each of my sons’ homes for 5 months before I was ready. I had family and friends who regularly checked on me and still do now and it’s been 2-1/2 years. I am very blessed and thankful to have such a great support group.
– Wister on Instagram

At the service the one person who was truthful said, “I wish I could say that it gets better, but it doesn’t.” A year later, a roof salesman was at my home. He asked if anyone else had to be a part of the decision making. I explained that my husband passed away a year ago. He looked into my eyes and said, “Tell me about him.” That was the kindest thing anyone has ever said. My most surprising support system is from my fan club members of my favorite band.
– Bonnie

Good friends gave me permission to talk without trying to fix me. Grief is not a problem to overcome. It’s a love to be experienced.
– Wister on Instagram

My husband died unexpectedly from an MI in the middle of the night in our home. I didn’t hear anything so he had been gone for at least 6 hours before I found him the next morning. Two of my best friends would always rearrange their schedules to stay with me at a hotel whenever I felt like i couldn’t handle being home. They are amazing women and I am so fortunate to have them in my life!
– Kristen

My younger sister dropped everything and moved in with me to help me with my 4 children, ages 6, 4, 2 and 4 months old after my husband died suddenly. She had never even babysat for me before that ❤️
– Jo Jo

My Sister and Brother in law have been so much help, they encouraged me to get a dog. Then they check on Ella daily while I am at work. They cut down a dead aspen tree in my yard without even asking for my help while I was at work. God sends you angels and I am grateful.
– Catherine

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Knowing there are women who have not only survived what I was going through, but were also thriving and moving forward in their lives.
— MSC Wister® (Widow + Sister)